Lately my life’s been getting a bit weird… I mean, just the other night someone called me at 3:00am (3:00am in the bloody morning, yes, I realise it cannot be 3:00am in the afternoon, but still, come on!! 3:00am? And it wasn’t even a cool night, you know, Tuesday, Thursday, weekend (the so-called happening nights – I wonder why, it’s not like they have more hours in them or anything, just that all the “happening”(I mean the quotes) places decide to have some kind of theme night on those particular nights making it kinda compulsory for your average “cool person”(definitely not me, I like my sleep too much) to be out there, trying to stay awake but still dozing against one of those humongous woofers in club, all because it campus night, like you’re in campus anymore, or ladies night, never mind that the ladies in question won’t even give you a second glance, tsk), no sirree, it was like a Monday, I mean seriously, who’s up on a Tuesday morning at 3:00am? (That is Monday night for those who are wondering…mbu the cool people read this mag (the WorkZine) and their brains tend to move a bit slower than the average person on account of the marinating they get on the cool nights- never mind that the speaker they fell asleep next to just got them more than half deaf))
Where was I? Oh, yeah, the chap who called me. Mbu they were not feeling well. So you call me? At 3:00am on a Tuesday morning? I thought that’s what the missus was for, I mean, she probably is lying next to you at that very moment!! Well, my befuddled brain came up with one very logical solution; he must have gotten too close to the Denizens from the House (It actually made perfect sense to me at the time, no kidding, and no, you don’t get to blame me for this one, blame Garth Nix and his infernal Keys to the Kingdom (again, Google it, or even better in this case, wiki it (I hear its Makmende’s blog, Wikipedia I mean, which leads me to wondering what Goolola Moses is going to do about it (Incidentally, I have no idea who either of these two persons is, Abid just seems inordinately excited about both of them – enough to do a Sheldon and go get himself customised Undies, but I guess in that situation he’d just be owned. :)))))) (I really hope those are enough brackets, kinda lost track there, and I don’t really feel like going back to count).
Back to my story though, Keys to the Kingdom – oh yeah you were just going to wiki it, like I said, the answer I gave made perfect sense to me on a Tuesday morning at 3:00am after falling asleep with my nose buried in a strangely arresting children’s book (mbu we’re supposed to call them “young adults” these days). And what did the chap come up with? One of the most redundant questions in the English language, wait for it…
“Are you being sarcastic?”
Now seriously, think about that question, after asking, are you really going to take any answer I give at face value? (for the cool people; the logic being that if you thought there was something sarcastic about something I said, enough to ask the question anyway, then the answer is almost definitely going to be sarcastic, whether or not I was being sarcastic or not, and even if I don’t give you a sarcastic answer you are still going to think its sarcastic… and on and on and on, basically, as futile as trying to drain a lake with a sieve (you know, it just occurred to me that I really must kill you with all my brackets, huh?))(Abid, if you don’t think enough cool people read this for it to be relevant, just delete the entire last set of brackets, will you? Can’t have my readers thinking I’m a bit demented seeing as I’m feeling a bit cool myself at the moment, might have fuddled the explanation a bit, and no, I’m not telling you why.)
Where was I? Totally lost myself, and I’m feeling too lazy to go wade through all those brackets to look for the point I was trying to make. Tough luck.
Hi Lynnie, just so you know, this article really is about you. (This is the part where you look really confused for a moment and then decide it doesn’t really matter after all.)
By Brian B. Coutinho
the writer’s initials are …..wait for it …. BBC !! Just Apt!!