Allegiance to the swagg.

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Hey it’s whatever shawty You ain’t gotta ask Yes, Valentino blouses, summer houses, cash, check! You can get it you deserve it, flawless diamonds, Louie purses, My mission’s to purchase Earth for her Present the gifts without the curse Her pleasure is my purpose Pleasure to be at your service We front row at fashion shows As well as Sunday morning service For better days or for worse If I’m paid I’m hurting in my pocket She still got a nigga back, no that’s for sure No matter what may occur in life Everyday with her is like a plus I’mma love her til she be like that’s enough Pop a bottle get a couple wine glasses fill em up and lift em up Let us toast to the future here’s to us No, here’s to her

I know most of you be thinking: “what’s up with this niga right here?” Nada wrong with this niga. Just that right up there is the first stanza that TI sings in I got your back. It inspires me. When a chickidie gots your back, sure she needs all dem hating bitches to know that she is the shit. But that’s not the point here. This is a supposed sports column so let me try to jibber sports. Before I jibber sports, take a look at yourself in the mirror and see if you can spot that swag. Yeah, swag. You gots to have swagga to be the shit. Even these days Sevo has swag. If u aint listened to his Runya flow rap yet, u better get back down to earth. The dude sure rhymed. I hear mbu the generation of yester year is now ready to holla at him all their votes courtesy of the Runya flow. Most astonishing of all was that despite his criktey legs, he actually does it with swag. So much swagga that Uncle Besi and gate keeper Ottunu must be wondering how the hell they can counter that. You see the thing about swag is that wen like me(wink), you are identified as a swaggalicious person, everything else just falls into place regardless. So much so that the pips who be hanging around you all start looking cool as the swag rubs off by osmosis. I mean take the example of how I do it in the bedroom, wen am done, the chickidie gets swag. Everyone be looking at her like, “What?’Take another example of the editor. When he is clad in his dirty jeans and extra checkered trousers, no one really gives a rat’s ass about him. In fact they be looking around for his boda boda and helmet. But when the wind starts blowing and I step in next to him, he has no choice but to get swag as a result of the infectious swag oozing off me. Mukifunye?

Now Korea came and my word did Korea deliver. Totally dry in qualifying and the red bulls just refused Fernando Alonso to spoil their party and blew him away with literary their last laps of qualifying. Then come the night and the heavens opened up. The other rain fell as if it was shedding early for Paul that F**kin octopus.  The other rain fell with swag it washed away the rubber meant to provide extra grip from the track. Now the thing about the Korean track is that its not like the other tracks. The surface is different. Its meant to encourage speed but it doesn’t swallow water like the other tracks. It just creates a leak. Anyway at the end of the day Schumi kept practicing a move while they were behind the safety car and he pulled it off with swag. Did I tell u that he finished 4th? Anyway, Webber crashed and just for good measure took out Rosberg. Vettel’s engine blew. And the rest who didn’t finish don’t really matter. Did I mention that now we are sure Button wont be champion any mor despite coming from 11th to finish 5th at Inter Lagos?? I didn’t?? Did I also mention that that British brat Hamilton has no chance in hell unless of course a bizarre series of hugely unexpected events conspires to ensure that Webber, vettel and Alonso finish outside of the points? Did I also mention that the Brazilian race was so dull??? Only exciting was when Hamilton ran wide letting Alonso past him. Anyway, right now so long as Alonso finishes 2nd, nothing his rivals can do can stop him from winning the championship. And then we shall be stuck with the fact that whoever wins the first race of the season, goes on to win the championship. It would be interesting to see what would happen were Vettel to find himself behind Alonso. I mean if he knocks him and retires him, Webber wins. However it would be even more interesting to see what would happen if Alonso was in fourth and Vettel was leading from Webber. Would Vettel let Webber past?? Oh how thrilling Abu Dhabi is promising to me. Don’t be surprised if the claws are let out. But one thing is for sure, Ferrari need Massa to have a superb drive if only to offer Alonso some support. Alonso surrounded by red bulls and Mclarens will be a sitting duck. Oh the swag of that race. The more swaggalicious one will win. It would have been even more interesting if Hamilton was in the mix. You never know what to expect with this kid. He could either have driven the race of his life, or crashed out with some people. Whatever the case, he would have provided drama. This is what the standings are like with swagg:

Rank Driver Points Starts Wins Top 5 Top 10
1 Fernando Alonso 246 18 5 12 15
2 Mark Webber 238 18 4 11 16
3 Sebastian Vettel 231 18 4 12 14
4 Lewis Hamilton 222 18 3 12 14
5 Jenson Button 199 18 2 12 15
6 Felipe Massa 143 18 0 8 13
7 Nico Rosberg 130 18 0 8 14
8 Robert Kubica 126 18 0 7 14
9 Michael Schumacher 72 18 0 3 12
10 Rubens Barrichello 47 18 0 2 10
10 Adrian Sutil 47 18 0 2 9
12 Kamui Kobayashi 32 18 0 0 8
13 Nico Hulkenberg 22 18 0 0 7
14 Vitantonio Liuzzi 21 18 0 0 6
15 Vitaly Petrov 19 18 0 1 4
16 Sebastien Buemi 8 18 0 0 4
17 Pedro de la Rosa 6 14 0 0 1

Please note that I’ve intentionally ignored all those with zero points. They don’t matter here. Do you realize that anyone from number one to number three can win?? Mathenatically number four can also win but he is an ass so we shall ignore him.

Soccer is so interesting these days. One minute Arsenal are the shit, the next minute they are shit. After trouncing ten man City the bile that was pouring out these guys mouths was enough to make slime puke. Mbu Fabregas shouting about how even if City had been 15 men they would still have got beat, mbu they were insatiable mbu in fact playing like they were Fergie infected, mbu for good measure they even communicated in Russian, yada yada yada yada…. Oooh Arsenal arsenal. How shit faced they must look now. One gunner hater mentioned that the problem with dense people is they shout about how much swag they have just because they wear their trousers down their asses and when they get tripped by the said trousers, they cant just dust them off and stroll. Anyway, come Shakhtar Donetsk and the Magpies, and Fabregas must be looking as shit faced as a fart. Did I tell you that Newcastle suddenly found themselves staring right into the face of the top 4? Stranger things have happened with less swag.

Then there is this ka mini revival that appears to be giving Swag to the red devils none so other than Park ji Sung. The Koran Captain’s past displays have suddenly put him ahead in the pecking order. A guy who was so shit that he couldn’t come out of Sozi Daniel’s loins is now suddenly Sir Alex Ferguson’s best player. Two goals against Wolves remembering that the winner came in the third minute of extra time and he is your choice for favourite saving act. Meanwhile Mr. Nice guy these days walks around with Swag. Three wins in a row and Liverpool are playing with some swag. Against Napoli it was 3 Gerrard goals. Against Chelskea it was 2 Torres goals albeit Gerrard running the show. And they even managed to play good football. And that’s all the tonic Hodgson needed. The tonic here being Gerrard and Torres firing on all cylinders and he is good to go. And that’s all that Liverpool needs. You see, all the other scousers are shit. The only other decent player is Pepe Reina. But in Gerrard and Torres Liverpool perhaps have the best at what they do in their particular positions. When they are on song they are an unstoppable force. All they need to do now is do what they do with Swag. I just don’t understand what happens to Spurs after a successful champions league night. They somehow manage to find it with in themselves to conspire to get whipped. I must admit after Bale’s radar guided performance against Inter Milan, I did not see the 4-2 loss to Bolton coming. But somehow Gallas and co managed to ship in 4 goals. BTW apparently after Bale’s raping of Maicon, Phil Neville became the most talked about person on twitter the following day. Only events were talked about more than him. The clamor was started by Everton WAGS who after seeing how Maicon was mistreated decided that Phil Neville must be Superman otherwise how did he stop the hurricane that is Bale? They wrote mbu: Superman wears Phil Neville Everton shorts to bed. Mbu death is scared of Phil Neville. Mbu Phil Neville no longer wants to be like Matt, Matt wants to be like Phil Neville (oh, how atrocious). At the end of the day anyway Phil Neville was on that day the most swaggalicious person alive.

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