I believe no one has an original problem.Everyone at some point goes through situations that someone else has conquered. They ths need guidance on how to get through it. That is why i am here! AGONY KELZ! I pride myself on being one of the few people to actually hit rock bottom and just bounce back up. Or maybe i hit a bouncy surface. Anyway what the hell. The point is i am here to help you, because that is just the type of philanthropic person that i am. So here goes:

Huge Problem: Its your birthday. Your friend gets you a gift you have repeatedly despised. Maybe not openly, but you really don’t like it. The tought may count, but if not translated into something lovely, then what is the point?

Solution: Re-wrap it and give it back to er on her birthday! If she doesn’t like it, it means she is thoughtless. What was she doing getting you something even she despised??

Huger Problem: A smelly person enters the taxi you’re in, and what do you know; the only seat he feels comfortable in is the one right next to you. To make matters worse, the brother (most of the time it is a guy) insists on smelling despite the wrinkling of your nose.

Huge Solution: You have to find out if you can survive the journey. You need to find out how bad the smell really is. So what do you do? Grab an insect, best results would be got if a fly is got, as these are so resistant to bad smells, but if those are scarce in the taxi ( why does that sound ironic?) a cockroach will do. They are usually near the kameeme. Grab the insect and put it at his feet, or anywhere close to him. if it dies, you better get out as fast as possible, because there, there is no plan B. Especially for such a smeller.

Hugest Problem:have moved out of home. Got this roommate. You are supposed to be having the time of your life, but for some reason, your roommate is really a maniac. He or she is totally crazy and insists on screaming her head off over tiny things, even when it is obvious you need the silence!

Huger Solution: Put a little chloroform in her pillow. Should knock her out for a couple of hours. If that is hard to find, try spirit! Used to work on those useless prefects in school, though may first make her a little drunk. Anyway, better a drunk roomie that a maniac!

Hugester Problem: Its really cold. You decided to spare your extra hours of sleep, got up at 4am, so you could make it to the boutique (read Owino), and join sylvia owori get the best clothes at whole-sale price. You are bending low, pulling at that wrinkled black dress that just looks like it has potential to look sexy, when suddenly an obese midget taps you and shouts….. sizey yange!!!!

Hugest Solution: You slap the hugest toughest meanest looking guy in sight, then point at the midget! You can either stand and enjoy the movie, or you can shop as you listen to the sound effects in the background.

Hugestest Problem: Its your birthday. No one remembered! You were expecting a surprise party, and you had even practised your expressions in the mirror!

Hugester Solution: Postpone it, and this time make sure you advertise it in the workzine. If nothing is done, dont give up. Adverts are free. fake a party and advertise the invites!

Hugestestest Problem: You are a financially challenged Campuser. For some reason your parents have refused to step in and give you money. You cant go home for the basic meals because Mukono is not exactly near Makerere. you atleast need to feed.

Hugestest Solution: Don’t turn down any single date. Accept them all because they cater for meals. If the guy has a ride, no worries, but if he does not, please insist on suggesting the place. In a bid to impress, he may take you to a lovely restaurant on the other side of town, and he may not be the kind who gives transport. So it would be better if you stuck to places like javaz and insisnt on a stroll back to campus. At least you would have been saved transport costs.

Gigantic Problem: You over ate. You were trying to make your pregnant friend Jackie feel comfortable with her tummy. Now the others have organised a swimming contest. Your crush will be there. You have already seen your future together. Jacob your first son even has his height at birth. The thing is you know that with everyone else in their bikinis, there is absolutely no way you will even attempt to look sexy, ;let alone invisible. For sure you wil be the laughing stock, atleast in your own eyes.

Gigantic, Desperate and the last resort Solution: Invest in a blue chicken and yellow goat with feathers, and head to jjajja Mamwandu who sits in those caves in mabira. Now you can sit back and await the cancellation phone calls as the hailstorms begin. Don’t forget to head to the gym after. Those coloured animals are really expensive, you can’t keep buying them.


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