Today, i think it is wise that i educate the working class on how to have a vacation. You know after a fort-night of work; Monday to Friday, Monday to Friday, through Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday twice, any normal properly functioning human being needs a break.
Some people go to Javas, sit in the booths and keep inviting friends till they have to bounce the couple in the next booth just incase one of their brothers decides to surprise them and pass by. (And one wonders where the surprise element fits in if he called just before the announcement).
Others throw parties at garden city, invite only their friends and leave others out, and they too think that is a break from routine. Well, i’m sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that’s so wrong. That doesn’t relieve stress! It instead just locks it away for a few seconds, and when it returns, it is worse than before. On that note, i think you should come see me about some Forever Living Products that are good for your health and will help ward off the stress. (Don’t think am advertising! Just looking out for friends!)
Anyway, i think i’ll share some great tips on how to have a real vacation. It however must be noted that these only apply to people whose parents still believe in pocket money to supplement their salaries, those with no responsibilities, poor saving and investment habits, those with sugar daddies, and i guess the few that actually earn a lot from what they do. (I hope not selling drugs in the stomachs of the girls they are trafficking. I hear it’s very profitable.) Anyway below are the tips:
1. Have cool friends who lie in any of the above categories. If your friends fall short, have a cool sibling with such friends.
2. Encourage the above people to believe that life is short and there are certain things they just cannot die without doing.
3. Forge stories about someone you know who has done it before and emphasize how they really were in the mix. If the worst gets to the worst and some of the friends are the nosey kind who demand evidence, have some forged pictures lying around.
4. Tell everyone you know about it! Write about it so the deaf can also know. For the deaf and blind….. Am still looking for a solution.
SO i guess by now you have noticed what i was building up to.
It started as a joke. Someone watched certain awards on TV and decided it would really be cool to be part of the audience. Months later, it was confirmed. Despite the fact that the night before, the bus broke down at a spot someone claimed was well known for highjackers and we had to wait five hours (7 to midnight) to be rescued, 10th October was still the best day ever. Gates were to be opened at 5pm. That’s what the tickets said. We were there by 3pm. Why give them reason to lock us out? Our excellently outstanding performance of standing near the entrance of the huge indoor stadium earned us interviews from some whites (so am guessing MTV for real, not just some random Kenyan journalists!), and our greetings were sent, especially to the many that could not afford. At exactly 5pm, gates were opened. By 5.30pm, we had claimed our spots right next to the rails that were a short distance from the stage. I must say that what we were experiencing cannot be described in words. All i can say is it was really not for the faint hearted. At this point, one of us was reduced to cries of, and i quote:
‘Banange who am i?? Nze ani?? What did i do to deserve this banange!!! GOD!!!’ and it was just the beginning!.
Despite the fact that there were no celebrities in sight, the music played by Dj Benny D was enough to drive us crazy! (And people think just anyone can play music!) The man in a skirt surely has a post diploma degree PhD in being a Dj!
At 7pm, everything we looked at was driving us crazy. Just before the show officially begun, one of the organizers realized that it would be safer to put us at the stage itself, just incase we lost our lives trying to get over the rails and touch the worthy ones. We were in things! In the mix! As people in Uganda say, Twabadde mu kiintu! Infact we were really in the kiintu, we became the kiintu itself! But this was not enough for one of us, who decided the opposite side had a better back view. We crept under the stage amidst protests from armed guards! That’s how great it was. We were invincible. Unstoppable by Ak47 holders.
He was the first act. 8 o’clock on the dot. Immediately he stepped on stage, we agreed that our money was done. When Akon joined him, it was official. We owed them money! Baali batu baanja for real. And that was just the beginning. Song after song was performed, and although i can’t remember which ones they were, i must say i can stand here and testify that Akon’s Calvin Klein boxers were really clean, and the grey briefs Wyclef wore just looked too amazing on him. I must add that since then, I am now a great admirer of pac-less abs! Those guys look perfect without six bones sticking out!
The African artists were amazing. Blu3, Amani, Waa Whoooo, Lira, STL, HHP, 2Face, Nameless, Red San, the guy of Kiini Big Deal, and many others seriously blew me away! Its amazing the energy they have. Samini was just the winner, when he performed the tribute to Lucky Dube with Wyclef and Nameless. Zebra and Giraffe, the rock group from South Africa complete with skinny jeans and spiky hair, were the best performers. Ok every performer was amazing. I seriously cannot decide. D’ Banj really is a super star!
But i must say that despite their great performances, our eyes were still on the prize! A hug from wylef and akon, or atleast some form of body contact. God was surely looking out for us, because at some point, Wyclef passed by. Our screams and ululations brought him to a standstill. After blowing-blowing kisses, two of us run for him. Being the lady that i am, i decided i was not going to run. I passed behind, got my hug, but my plans to push the other girl away so that I appeared the most wanted in the photo were really demolished, and this can be evidenced in the snap. Anyway atleast i got a two handed hug! Akon was next. For some reason he was no longer jumping on people. One of us claims he hit his head on the metal the last time he jumped. How were we going to atleast get a handshake. After all our attempts, we were reduced to begging.
‘Just touch this hand akon, PLEASE!!!! Nkwaata ko bambi!!!’ we tried to attempt Senegalese but to no avail, so we continued our pleas with the facial expressions. Whoever said those were old lied, coz our looks brought him to us!!! We got our handshakes… not once, but twice. If that was not heaven, i dont know if my heart can take the real thing. All in all, it was a night to remember!
Having to summarize it has been the hardest thing ever. Now that is how you have a day off work. That is how you relieve your stress! That is how you party! That is how you let everyone know about it, and THAT IS HOW YOU BEGIN THE PLANS TO DO IT AGAIN!
Sara Akelly <yes, the writer clearly has proggie>