Drums roll…… Shakira is gyrating to the beat. While Tamala Jones is leading me out in that micro micro costume of hers. Meanwhile Snoop Dogg the only pimp smoother than me is following doing a rendition of Sensual seduction. Well, all this means AM BACK. Whether or not I was ever away in the first place is none of your business. Hate or HATE. I see the game hasn’t changed since ave been around. Just that now I need a password and stuff to write this.
I just watched the most boring movies with cool titles in the history of boring movies. First movie is called Pendragon. The jacket has a Lord of the rings looking like guy but believe me it’s the worst casted movie in the history of casting. And as for the script… Well its like a bunch of nursery kids (the un cool ones) acting Mummy and Daddy only that they do it better.
The other movie is called hurricane flowers or some crap like that. My future wife decided that we watch it together. It was more misery than torture. But it had an interesting sub story if I may say. There r these two dudes tight like a matha***. Kinda like the chief editor and I. Nway, the Chief is the cool guy. Lazy but good looking and a P.I.M.P. You know, ladies man and all. now the me of the movie is the hard working dude, heavy dimes but on the pimpometer rating about 2. Nway Chief being the good P.I.M.P he is gives me(in the movie banange) a HOT mukazi. To celebrate we decide to move to some bu A-list apartments and to cement our new pimping friendship we get neighboring apartments. So the trouble in this movie started when Abid(Chief editor) continues shipping gals in & out while me is stuck on the gift. Now me starts thinking that since the Chief is such a heavy pimp he must be sleeping with my girlfriend. I mean he is ruggedly handsome and for some reason all chicks are easy game to him therefore my chick must be easy to him if he wants. So me (in the movie) gets so obsessed with the idea to the extent of deleting all the editor’s contacts from the chicks phone, PDA and facebook page. Then hiring the maid and my other gangos to report to me whenever they see chick talking to Abid. What’s the moral of the story you ask? Lets go to the sports.
A crocked crocked world cup. From that so called oracle called Paul the (Octo – pussy), to that bloody idiot Luis Sanchez whom I would gladly let Osama have a go at, to the idiots that are the French team players, to calamity Green, of course not forgetting the enigma that is Diego Maradonna (Dude says the rosary before and every after a game), then there were the thuggish and murderous Dutch, the wonderous Spaniards, the insatiable Germans, the bullish Ghanaians and poor old Howard Webb. And the sorry sons of bitches who thought it a good idea to carry out there suicide bombing attacks amidst soccer enjoying fans. I know that’s old news but I just to hint on it.
BTW am offering a reward to anyone who can show me the where abouts of the WorkZine headquarters. Kubanga, in my new contract am promised an office. I can’t have the office when I don’t know where to look for it now, can I. Chief editor promised despite being smaller than his, it would be waaaay cooler. No windows and dark enough. LADIIES(wink wink). Of course there will b a space for easy access of OOOOOO. You can’t go to war unprepared now, can you? Incidentally tat OOOOOO Is like OMG. G ending in Gosh obviously. Wouldn’t want to end up on the wrong side of Miss Sheila Nabuuma AGAIN. Don’t dare think ave gone off the topic, there is a moral in every story.
Now back to these Al Shabab idiots. How cowardly? Don’t give me Sozi Daniel’s crap mbu we are paying for being in Somalia. Let them wear their vests and blow up the chaps who are in Somalia. I wish the authorities could just deliver one of those chaps. Forget court and jail. A public flogging everyday for 60 days, amputate the bastard then plant him in an anthill while am pouring some hot water on him. And please start with that water boarding thing. It looks pretty nasty in movies. Nway, I wish all of them including there wives, children, distantest relatives and associates nasty painful slow deaths. Even if this is the one thing that will send me to hell, I will gladly go there if these idiots got what they deserve. To all the fallen soldiers. RIP. Please Note that I feel the same way about Luis Sanchez that thugging piece of Uruguayan Beeeep beeeepp….
Anyway the premiership is hear. That collective band of masquerading thugs that is Chelsea is firmly on top of the table. Mbu playstation football, in case Ancelotti isn’t aware, when the best players in the world are playing online soccer 46% use a Manchester United team 21% a Barcelona team. Shockingly after a shambolic world cup and an equally shambolic display in the carling cup, Chief thug (Terry) has started putting in some unbelievable performances. But then again he hasn’t yet played against a fast enough player. Those creeky old legs will show come facing a really fast Frazier Campbell. Am I the only one excited abt Asamoah Gyan joining Sunderland? I hope he shows some of his world cup form.
A huge welcome back to Newcastle United. First of all after Roy Hodgson who oh so ill advisedly joined Loserpool, they have the second nicest coach in the Premiership. My God. Have you seen Chris Hutton’s post match interviews. The dude is so modest he reminds of me when am high. Unfortunately he has two masquerading thugs in his team. One wonders why they haven’t yet been picked up by Chelsea yet. And then he goes and loans himself another thug. Funnily, in Hartem Ben Afar, Joey Burton and Andy Carroll, Hughton such massive talent. Can he keep at least one of them out of jail?? It was cool tho seeing Joey Burton look like an Italian mafia. Thankfully for us soccer lovers, the win came. I must admit I was so surprised by how quickly it came. Especially considering how rampant Aston Villa had been against Westham. But then again, Villa could be morphing into their current manager. K Mac is the most shyest man ever. The dude cant even look straight into the cameras. It could be said his team was shy that day. But the y still play with pomp of a Martin Oneill team though the grit in noticeably mssing.
RESPECT to a one ‘Arry. After molesting young boys to at White hart lane the guy brought champions league soccer back to that part of London. To imagine that only 2 years ago Spurs were tussling it out in the relegation zone and gareth bale was working hard to be the most useless buy after Alexander Hleb and Thomas Rosicky. Not forgetting Titus Bramble. Right now he is more important to Spurs even more than Modric. Remember remember. Remember last season when looking at Spurs’ run in that included the top 3 in 9 days Manchester City were so assured of Champions league football that Garry Cook got the inspired idea of making a movie about the Blue foolish Manchurians. Apparently the moral of the movie is that Mane City has the most inspiring success story since the inception of the premiership. But aaaah ‘Arry just had to have the last laugh. The dude goes to the city of Manchester stadium simply in need of a draw to secure champs league for the next season. We all expected a counter attacking master class. A resolute defensive display. But noo. Not on ‘Arry’s life. Apparently such tactics are only left to his wife Sandra. The dude fielded an attacking team. By the second half you would be forgiven for thinking that Spurs were the home team. You should have seen the look on the Sheihks’ faces especially the look on the face of that intolerable Garry Look (oops.. Cook). I bet they were left wondering about what could have been hadn’t they let good old Sparky go. And Spurs indeed won what was billed as the 50million dollar match. And they have in all senses gained what Mane City needed so badly. Be sure Mane City don’t need that 50m. Its pea nuts to them. What they craved the most was Champions league swag, And Spurs has pipped them to that. Now Spurs is suddenly the team that any player can potentially join. City were hoping to attract big names with Champions league football, but it Spurs who can now offer that Avenue. One is left to wonder tho whether Spurs are going to pay a heavy price for not recruiting Luis Fabiano or a truly world class striker. Crouch isn’t exactly prolific, Robbie keane is pat his best days. Pavluchenko is more moody than a pregnant belle in her period. While when defoe gets injured its for months. All in all I wish them luck against Inter milan and Werder Bremen. But then again they also have to watch Twente coz European nights are funny nights. But from the performance against young boys you get the feeling Huddleston and Modric are really going to shine in the slower pace of the champions league. If the English imposters could yet again fail to qualify for Euro and Mourinho gets whipped by Messi at the Barnabeau (auto spell cant spell this) it will make for a great season. If only Arsenal and Manchester City could just for good measure be relegated such that that insipid Briton Piers Morgan could shut up. Well, I told my girlfriend I will only marry her if the above happen so I bet she is praying really hard.
P.S, That’s the moral of the story.