My Mouth Vs the guard’s hand : Guess who won


By Lindsey Kukunda

This is how you bring it.


So we have security guards that are supposed to protect the building where I work and its inhabitants therein.

I stepped out to buy airtime, and upon returning, was ordered by a male security guard-we shall call him Psycho-to open my little pouch.

Yes, I decided to be a bitch about it, and refuse.

Because a woman is supposed to check my personal property. Psycho was insistent, but so was I to not comply. I decided to walk by him, and he grabbed me by my upper body, and held me firm.

“I am not going to allow you to enter before I look in your bag”.

“First of all, get your hands off me”, I snarled. “Second, after you look ‘in my bag’, I am going to report your conduct”.

He smiled as he went through the meager contents of my pouch, relishing his moment of power. After he waved me through, I did not go. I stood there and glared at him, and told him he was in for it now.

He waggled his finger at me.

“You girl, you need to learn to behave. Do you know who you’re talking to? Do you know what I can do to you? Heh?!”

Then he raised his hand to slap me. Oh. No. He. Fucking. Didn’t.

His hand was two inches from my cheek by the time I had brought my nose in immediate contact with his.

“Really? You’re going to hit me? Do you seriously intend to hit me? You sure you want to do that now?”

He was smiling when he said yes, but he lowered his hand.

I headed out to look for a manager. Let us call him Manager. He came with me to speak with Psycho.

“But this woman,” Psycho said, “does not understand my job. She refused me to look in her bag, and she was misbehaving”.

Manager agreed. “Madam, he knows his job. He has to check you”.

The female guard who had returned by this point joined the fray.

“Yes!”, she told me. “I also check men’s bags. How special are you that a man can’t look into yours?”

I was slowly and surely going blind with rage.

“Does anyone care that this man physically assaulted me?”

Psycho was quick to react. “By the way, I can slap you if I want. Yes, I will slap you if you don’t behave”.

The time for civilities was. So Over.

“You know what?”, I told him. “Fuck you, you piss-ant motherfucking piece of shit!”

Manager was not going to tolerate my indiscipline. He went almost purple with rage as he shouted at me.

“How dare you abuse my guard? Who do you think you are?! I can have you arrested. In fact, now I’m not going to let you into the building!”

“Oh, really?”, I yelled back. “You’re fucking seriously going to stop me from going back to the office? How in the hell do you even have this job?!”

“Now you’re abusing me?”, he shouted. “We have CCTV cameras, that are recording this. I shall have you arrested! I won’t allow you to go into the building!”

“Oh, wonderful, ” I shouted right back. “You mean the same CCTV cameras that are recording enough for me to open up a police file against you? By all means, let’s watch the footage together, motherfucker!”

By now, we had drawn quite a crowd, including a colleague who was prying me away from the scene, telling me to ‘take it higher than here’. Manager followed us to the lifts, yelling threats as me, as I yelled threats right back.

I went home, had a nice rest, woke up this morning and decided. Yep, I was still pissed. And yes, I was going to take this as high as I could.

I got the contact of a security manager who we shall call Awesome.

Awesome called me into his office, and had Manager brought in. Manager was a different man. Very apologetic, very humble. Awesome told him to take me to Psycho, have him apologize to me directly, then move him ‘to the back where he can guard lorries where there are no people. If he refuses to apologize, let me know, I’ll move to the next step’.

Manager took me to Psycho, and asked him to apologize. Psycho glared at me, and begun to mutter about me having kamanyiro, lugezi-gezi etc. Other guards around who overheard what he had done were like, bitch, fucking apologize. He refused.

Manager ordered Psycho released of his gun (yes, he had a gun!), and we stepped out of the office. Manager begged him to say sorry.

I was getting tired of this.

“Look at me”, I ordered Psycho.

He stared sullenly at the wall. I moved until I was in front of him and he was forced to look at me.

“Let me explain how this works,” I told him. “You are a woman-beating piece of crap. I don’t care about your or your life. You touched me and threatened me. If you do not apologize to me, this minute, I am heading out of here, and making this a police case. We have CCTV, and I will personally take the time to make your life fucking miserable”.

“Okay”, he snarled.

“Okay, what?”

“I’m sorry”.

“For what?”.

“You know”.

“No”, I said. “I want to know what you know”

“I’m sorry I touched you and said I could beat you”.

Damn straight. Enjoy your demotion, asshole.



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